Eligibility Assessment for Employment at the GoodHome Association

Eligibility Assessment for Employment at the GoodHome Association

*By proceeding with this assessment, you consent to video recording, audio recording, and live location tracking.

Section 1

Instructions: These questions are multiple choice. Read each question thoroughly, and then select the option/answer that best represents your thoughts/experiences.

Answer each question honestly. Do not hold anything back from us. You and GoodHome should know each other—intimately!

Question 1

What did you eat for breakfast this morning? 

  1. Cereal with milk, of course!
  2. I made eggs.
  3. I don’t eat the most important meal of the day.
  4. I feasted on this morning’s delicious GoodHome BrekFest Bundle!

Question 2

Do you have any pets? 

  1. None. 
  2. I’m listening to the gorgeous callnotes of my GoodHome Perky Pear-It! 
  3. I’m sitting with Cathy the GoodHome Cat!
  4. I’m cleaning up after one of those fake dogs from ShopCo. 

Question 3

Why are you applying to GoodHome today? (Note: this question may have more than one correct answer.)

  1. Because I need some money. 
  2. Because I love the things I buy at GoodHome!
  3. Because my regional government has ordered me to work for the GoodHome Association as a means of improving my character. 
  4. Because I cannot help but support GoodHome’s wealth of vibrant charitable programs and other improvements to the life of my community! 

Question 4

How many sexual partners do you have? 

  1. I only do it with my spouse. 
  2. I can’t even count them all. 
  3. I’m sad and lonely.
  4. With my GoodHome HouseMate, why would I need anyone else!

Question 5

Why are you applying to GoodHome today? 

  1. Because I cannot help but support GoodHome’s wealth of vibrant charitable programs and other improvements to the life of my community!
  2. Because I couldn’t resist the lifelike visuals of the GoodPlay 9, the 2,000-color vision of the GoodWatch 14, or the crystal-clear, noise-canceling audio of the HearGood 11. I love these wonderful products, but I shouldn’t have maxed out my GoodHome Cred-It Card on them!
  3. Because there isn’t anywhere else to work around here anymore. 
  4. Because GoodHome will allow me to live out my golden years in freedom, with potential retirement dates as young as 79! 

Section 2

Instructions: These questions are open-ended. Type or write with a stylus within the provided field. If you write by hand, make sure we can read it!

Answer each question without omitting any of those important details. But be concise! 

Question 1

What position(s) would you be interested in filling at GoodHome? For each position you name, please explain why you would be a qualified and valuable applicant. Don’t just say you need a job. Everyone needs a job! But we need employees who will fit right in with the GoodHome family.

Please answer within the provided blank space:

Question 2

What is the meaning of your life on Earth?

Please answer within the provided blank space: 

Question 3

What prior employment/job experience do you have? 

Please answer within the provided blank space: 

Section 3

Instructions: Please use your stylus to create a maze within the provided blank space. Your maze should be neatly drawn and should include no more and no less than 24 individual lines. These lines may be as long as you like and may or may not curve. There should be only one path from the maze’s entrance to its centre, but do not indicate what that path is. Above all, make sure your maze is difficult enough that a person of average or lesser intelligence could not solve it in less than ten minutes. 

This section has a time limit of 60 seconds. Make sure to spend no more than a minute drawing your maze!

Section 4

Instructions: These questions are multiple choice. Read the question thoroughly, and then select the option/answer that best represents your thoughts/experiences.

Answer each question honestly. Do not hold anything back from us. It’s better for you to tell us now than for us to find out later! 

Question 1

Why are you applying to GoodHome today? 

  1. I wish I wasn’t, trust me. 
  2. Because I allowed my family member, dependent child, or GoodHome HouseMate to access my password for GoodHome.com, and they spent more money than I could afford to pay! Next time, I will make sure to remember that GoodHome purchases are nonrefundable, and I will not entrust my password to anyone. 
  3. Because I’ve dreamed of working at GoodHome since I was a small child!
  4. Because I need to make some money to avoid becoming indebted to ShopCo. I’ve heard that once people enter ShopCo’s warehouses, they usually don’t leave.

Question 2

Which of the following is most important to your ethics/wellbeing/value to the GoodHome Association? (Reminder—this question does not have more than one correct answer.)

  1. Work-life balance. 
  2. A fast-paced work environment! 
  3. That happy feeling I get in my heart when I come home tired at the end of the day to my warm, cozy GoodHome Good Home. 
  4. My mental health. 

Question 3

What did you eat for dinner five nights ago? 

  1. I ate out. 
  2. I had my GoodHome Dinner DEEEEEEEALish delivered hot and fresh, like I do every night!
  3. I can’t remember. 
  4. I ate ShopCo’s dinner option. And no—I haven’t heard the rumours about what happens to all those missing ShopCo employees.

Section 5

Instructions: Return to your maze from Section 3. Solve it, tracing the path from the entrance to the centre. Go as fast as you can. 

Were you able to complete this task? How long did it take you? Was it less than ten minutes? 

Section 6

Instructions: If you are employed by GoodHome, you may frequently/infrequently be asked to interact with our customers. In this section, you will be presented with a variety of situations you may encounter while working in any customer-facing position at the GoodHome Association. Select the option that best represents your good judgement. 

Question 1

A customer calls because they are struggling to navigate GoodHome’s immaculately organized, yet extensive website. What should you say?

  1. “Let me redirect you to our tech support wing, Sir/Madam.”
  2. “I think I can help with that. Can you describe the web page you’re looking at right now?”
  3. “What is your problem?”
  4. “I think I can help with that. Are you currently on our homepage?”

Question 2

A ShopCo representative enters the GoodHome facility where you work, claiming that one of GoodHome’s products infringes on a patent held by ShopCo. What should you say?

  1. “Give me a moment—my manager might be able to help you with that.”
  2. “I don’t see a lawyer here with you, Sir/Madam.” 
  3. Don’t say anything. Shoot the ShopCo employee through the head with your complimentary pisTOOL.
  4. Don’t say anything. Ensure that GoodHome is a benefactor of the local police department before shooting the ShopCo employee through the head with your complimentary pisTOOL. Call janitorial services (Extension 3). 

Question 3

A customer brings a Ted-E Bear which—the customer claims—was delivered damaged by GoodHome. The customer asks for a refund or an undamaged version of the bear product. “My son really wants this,” they say. “It’s almost Christmas. I don’t get paid again until January. Is there anything you can do?” The customer begins to sob. “Please. I just want to give my son something nice for Christmas.” What should you say? 

  1. “Let me go get my manager for you. We’ll see if there’s anything we can do to help.”
  2. “You must have bought that from ShopCo. GoodHome’s quality standards are far too high to deliver a damaged product.” 
  3. “GoodHome unfortunately is not able to refund disgruntled customers. However, I am personally empowered to buy you an undamaged bear product out of my own personal funds.” If you choose to purchase a new bear for this customer, let them know. If not, inform them that you have chosen not to replace their child’s Ted-E Bear. 
  4. Improvise a joke using your own improvisational comic style!

Section 7

Instructions: These questions are multiple choice. Read each question thoroughly, and then select the option/answer that best represents your thoughts/experiences.

Answer each question honestly. Do not hold anything back from us. Why would you hold anything back from us?

Question 1

Why are you applying to GoodHome today? 

  1. GoodHome is the only option. 
  2. GoodHome is the only option. 
  3. GoodHome is the only option.
  4. GoodHome is the only option. 

You’re right! GoodHome is your only option. So why don’t you just choose to be happy here and settle into your new family (if accepted)? 

Once you are satisfied with your responses, press the “Submit Here” button at the bottom of this page to send your completed assessment to GoodHome’s Office for Recruitment. If you encounter any technical issues related to the “Submit Here” button, email your responses to goodhomegoodmail@gmail.com. 

After you have submitted this assessment, wait patiently. 

Submit Here


Isaac Fox (he/him) is employed by the GoodHome Association’s Office for Recruitment. Before GoodHome acquired Isaac’s present and future intellectual property, his stories and poems appeared in publications such as Bending Genres, Tiny Molecules, and A Velvet Giant. If you email your application to goodhomegoodmail@gmail.com, Isaac may or may not respond. (However, he asks that you please refrain from answering Section 1, Question 4 unless you are a grown adult and can answer without any unprofessional words of explanation.) Isaac does not buy anything from ShopCo.